Monday, June 21, 2010


Rockin’ Media is looking for an experienced photographer to work in the Denver Metro Area. This is NOT a portrait photography position. Qualified applicant must have hands-on, professional photography experience and be proficient in Adobe Photoshop. Videographer/Premiere Pro experience a plus. We are a pc shop, so you need pc experience – not just Mac..

This position is currently part time, but could grow quickly to full time. Must have flexible work schedule, be relatively “on-call”. You must have reliable transportation, a good driving record and valid Colorado Drivers license. Must have good people skills and deal well with ambiguity.

Compensation varies based on project and skill level. This is a W-2 employee and not a subcontractor position. You will have a thorough background check, and drug test. References will be checked.

Please send resume, income requirements, available start date and professional references to If any of the prior items are not included, you will not be considered for this position. Please no calls.


Check this out!

My portfolio! Yeah, that's a picture. No, I didn't take it. So why am I showing it to you? Because this is the kind of iconic stuff that I do. Remember that image of the Simpson's doing the very same thing as the Beatles? I had that idea. Someone else got to it, sure, but I had the idea one time like forever ago. Oh, and how about that album cover I shot? Yeah son! That's how you photograph two hands and an ass! I mean, that's how I would do it if that was my work! But that band is totally from before I was even born, so how am I supposed to take that picture? Time travel? Sorry, bud, but that's fucking impossible. Maybe if you dropped less acid and spent about two or three seconds in REALITY you'd know that.


Okay, I'm getting off track. What I want to say is that I'm looking for a job as a photographer and I'm pretty damn good. If you Google my name you'll find, like, a bunch of great stuff that will basically totally blow your barely legal mind. It blows mine all the time! You remember when David Copperfield made the Statute of Liberty disappear? Like how much that blew your mind, multiply that by ten, then multiply it by ten again then add fifty and divide by six but then multiply by ten yet again and you'll be in the ballpark where I'm at bat pointing off into the stands in a way that implies I can, by will alone, define the trajectory of the ball that you're pitching that is also my photography skills. Let's look at another piece I did.

I know what you're thinking. Mona Lisa? Maaaan, that is so 1503. But that's why I'm so good, I psyche you out! Make you think you're getting a lesson in Renaissance masters and then out of nowhere, WHAM! You get the image that inspired the murder of Elizabeth Short, AKA the Black Dahlia, AKA the reason that I'm the guy that's gonna make the photographs for you because you don't know where I'm even coming from! I might be in the studio right now, hiding behind a copy machine, just waiting to pop out with a bad flash bulb and snap some shots of life as we know it that'll win us all Peabodies!

Yeah man. Peabodies. Maybe Nobels. Maybe even the Stanley Cup.

That's just me, man. You don't know what you're going to get. I'm the wild card, the pocket Ace, the burnt orange heresy and you're the conductor of this win train.

So what do you say? Are we in or are we out? Because I've got an appointment with fame, my man, and right now you're standing in front of the door.

See you in the spotlight,

Nate Balding

Monday, June 7, 2010

Internet Sales Position Available!! Too many leads!!

Hello! This is a newly created internet sales position.
We are still looking for a few more superstars! Stop in Today! Positions are filling fast! We are also hiring for service technicians!
Do you want to start the new year with an opportunity to work for the best in automobile sales? Ed Bozarth Chevrolet is in need for sales people to fill immediate openings! We have positions available in both Denver stores. No experience? We will train you! We are dedicated to developing hard working individuals and are committed to your personal development and success! We have the BEST pay plans in the industry and great benefits you will absolutely enjoy! I took this opportunity 2 years ago and it has changed my life! Let's set up a time so we can get to know each other. We truly do promote from within and reward people that work to be successful. Millions of Dollars in inventory just waiting to be sold! I will personally give you the training and the tools to be successful. We have the best products on the market with a many new to be released this year!
Must have a clean driving record. Some sales experience would be great but not required. Please make sure to include or bring in your resume.

*Excellent Pay Plans
*Paid Time Off
*Company Demo vehicle!
*Flexible Schedules
*Professional Training
*401K Plans
*Opportunity For Advancement
*Employee Discounts
*Other Positions Are Available

Please, email your resume, stop in or call! Call me, Edward Sams, 3038582416-office. I will set up a time that works best for you to discuss this opportunity! Even if you work in the industry and just wondered what it would be like to work for the best, call! You can also email me at Do not wait any longer to seize this opportunity! Stop in the store, 8351 Parkway Drive, Lone Tree, Co. 80124. Just 4 blocks west of Park Meadows Mall off county line road. Ed Bozarth Chevrolet wants you! Even if this ad is not for you, pass it on to someone and it can change their life too! Hiring for sales and service!!

Hiring Organization: Ed Bozarth Chevrolet, 3038582416-office,


Too many leads? I make too many sales!!!

Listen friend, this is the opportunity of your lifetime! I am an outgoing (very!) guy who is committed to putting dollars in both your pockets and mine! I'm so damned committed the only way I can talk about my commitment level is to use as many exclamation points as possible! Hell, I don't even know what a period is!!!

Now, I wasn't born a Chevy man - no sir! I was born (and conceived!) in the back seat of a Pontiac Le Mans outside Niagara on a Honeymoon to end 'em all, chum, and I still have that car in my backyard set up on a quadrant of cinder blocks! Now my next car, it wasn't a Chevy either - no sir! I bought myself a shiny new (used!) Toyota Camry, which served me well for a real long time! But then - then I discovered the cherry baby that would make me into the French name speaking loyal Knight in the Service of Chevrolet that I am today! I bought a 1995 Chevy Impala, kicked the tires and named it Mary and I never looked back (except of course when using the rear view mirror!)! And from there on out, fella, I gotta tell ya' (I'm a poet and I don't even know it!) I was hooked - hooked! - on Chevy!

So you can rest assured that when I say, maaaan do I love a good Chevy to some unsuspecting customer and that sumbitch looks at me with his prying eye and asks himself, "Is this man certifiable or are these cars just the best thing he's ever encountered in his whole bedeviled life?" I can stare right back into the cold abyss of some joker's mid life crisis and utter the following sentence with the assured courage of a pack of lion's prepped to dismember a Christian: "My man, buying this car is going to turn your world into a pussy fucking funhouse!"


Can you feel it? I got the feeling! I got it in me real bad professor and I need to let it out! I need to sell! sell! sell! like I'm a gerbil in the world's biggest terrarium and the only thing that will send me that cocaine laced food pellet is if I move ten more units by the day's end and it's four thirty already and the sun is setting on the lot but by god I've got a job to do and if this is the way it all ends, well, hell, pal, let's have a dance with the devil and see if his knife really cuts that deep!!

So there you go, that's me in a nutshell - or should I say nut"sell," eh?!

Do YOU have what it TAKES to give ME the opportunity to MAKE US BOTH very, VERY rich?!

Balls in your court man, but I think I know you pretty well by now! I know that you've got the stones hangin' deep down those slacks and to the right and there ain't a man on your team who's gonna go the extra fifteen hundred miles to make this the premier Chevy dealer not only in the city; not only in the state; not only in the country; not only on this planet; no! We'll be the premier Chevy dealer in the ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE!!!

Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?!?!?!



Nate Balding

PS: !!!!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Bet you 2 beers you'll like working for me better than your job now!!!

35 hours a week of work 40 hours a week pay!

Hip company looking for some cool people. We have been in business for 3 years and are looking for some special talent to support our current growth. Ideal candidates are people who are ready to implement the idea of personal growth and self worth.

- Tons of opportunity for personal growth. (we only promote from within, 2 management position will be available in 2010 they could be yours!!!)
- We will pay for experience. (sky is the limit)
- Relaxed environment. (enjoy when you are at work)
- Great hours. (Recreation friendly)
- We are 420 friendly. (no testing ever)
- Not exactly a corporate environment. (casual attire)
- Ski passes in the winter! (powder clauses included)

The sky is the limit as far as income potential. Current offices include SLC UT, Boise ID, Denver CO, Sacramento CA and expansion planned for The Bay Area, Phoenix AZ and more to follow. There is no relocation required, we are combing all the offices for the next manager and are looking for people here in Denver!

We have two immediate openings. No sales experience necessary, but helpful. You must be able to work weekends and own a car.

These are serous positions that need to be filled immediately. Please leave us a phone number so that we can contact you. We will not respond to anyone with casual inquires!!!


Hey-y-y-y, you just laid down the gauntlet, friend! For two beers I'll take that challenge! I'll take that challenge and a half! Or an eighth, if it's mushrooms, right?! *wink* *wink*

No but srsly, the job I have now is pretty choice. I got, like, tons of time to just hang around and beat off to internet porn and they never even check the cache or anything. I mean, I do it usually under my desk so if a customer shows up they don't see it - I'm not gonna do anything gross. And we keep a small fridge in the staff room that's pretty well stocked with brewdogs, so, you know, we get a little tipsy sometimes at work.

Oh, I haven't even told you where I work! It's at the corporate office for this nanny/caretaker placement firm. What we do is basically you call us and ask for someone to watch your tikes and then I go into our database and track down someone who has the qualifications and can work the hours that you need. So, basically, a bunch of chicks who wish they had kids but can't come in all day to ask me to place them with families who don't love each other enough to stay together. How about that shit, huh? Hotties hotties hotties, and all they wants to do is ride a dick!

Can you beat that? I know, I know, it's pretty hard. I've got at least one of those beers already, don't I!

Here's the kicker: These people that call us? Mostly rich folk. And they tell me - a total stranger - about their home and when they'll be gone. And I keep that information, bring it home, share it with some of the boys and, bammo, we got ourselves some easy bling! They don't even know its gone most of the time. Hell, we even thought about ransoming one of the kids sometime, but Donnie's got a problem being around kids, on account of he's one of those Megan's Law guys, but, whatever, it'd probs be a huge pain in the ass, huh?

Oh shit son, is that the fringe benefit that lands me the second beer? I think it is! What up naw!

No, but, for the reals, I'd like to get up to the mountains in the winter and working for you might make that really easy, so how about it? I've definitely got the drive and the experience to really help your company soar into the upper reaches of the Forbes 500 if that's how far you're willing to go.

Come on, man, let's make some mutha' futzin' Bennies!


Nate Balding