Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Bet you 2 beers you'll like working for me better than your job now!!!

35 hours a week of work 40 hours a week pay!

Hip company looking for some cool people. We have been in business for 3 years and are looking for some special talent to support our current growth. Ideal candidates are people who are ready to implement the idea of personal growth and self worth.

- Tons of opportunity for personal growth. (we only promote from within, 2 management position will be available in 2010 they could be yours!!!)
- We will pay for experience. (sky is the limit)
- Relaxed environment. (enjoy when you are at work)
- Great hours. (Recreation friendly)
- We are 420 friendly. (no testing ever)
- Not exactly a corporate environment. (casual attire)
- Ski passes in the winter! (powder clauses included)

The sky is the limit as far as income potential. Current offices include SLC UT, Boise ID, Denver CO, Sacramento CA and expansion planned for The Bay Area, Phoenix AZ and more to follow. There is no relocation required, we are combing all the offices for the next manager and are looking for people here in Denver!

We have two immediate openings. No sales experience necessary, but helpful. You must be able to work weekends and own a car.

These are serous positions that need to be filled immediately. Please leave us a phone number so that we can contact you. We will not respond to anyone with casual inquires!!!

*****

Hey-y-y-y, you just laid down the gauntlet, friend! For two beers I'll take that challenge! I'll take that challenge and a half! Or an eighth, if it's mushrooms, right?! *wink* *wink*

No but srsly, the job I have now is pretty choice. I got, like, tons of time to just hang around and beat off to internet porn and they never even check the cache or anything. I mean, I do it usually under my desk so if a customer shows up they don't see it - I'm not gonna do anything gross. And we keep a small fridge in the staff room that's pretty well stocked with brewdogs, so, you know, we get a little tipsy sometimes at work.

Oh, I haven't even told you where I work! It's at the corporate office for this nanny/caretaker placement firm. What we do is basically you call us and ask for someone to watch your tikes and then I go into our database and track down someone who has the qualifications and can work the hours that you need. So, basically, a bunch of chicks who wish they had kids but can't come in all day to ask me to place them with families who don't love each other enough to stay together. How about that shit, huh? Hotties hotties hotties, and all they wants to do is ride a dick!

Can you beat that? I know, I know, it's pretty hard. I've got at least one of those beers already, don't I!

Here's the kicker: These people that call us? Mostly rich folk. And they tell me - a total stranger - about their home and when they'll be gone. And I keep that information, bring it home, share it with some of the boys and, bammo, we got ourselves some easy bling! They don't even know its gone most of the time. Hell, we even thought about ransoming one of the kids sometime, but Donnie's got a problem being around kids, on account of he's one of those Megan's Law guys, but, whatever, it'd probs be a huge pain in the ass, huh?

Oh shit son, is that the fringe benefit that lands me the second beer? I think it is! What up naw!

No, but, for the reals, I'd like to get up to the mountains in the winter and working for you might make that really easy, so how about it? I've definitely got the drive and the experience to really help your company soar into the upper reaches of the Forbes 500 if that's how far you're willing to go.

Come on, man, let's make some mutha' futzin' Bennies!

Peace!

Nate Balding