Deputy District Attorney

Southern Colorado (Alamosa and the San Luis Valley) seeking qualified applicants for Deputy District Attorney position for the 12th Judicial District. Immediate hands on experience with all aspects of County and District Court. Great opportunity for the right applicant. Must be licensed to practice law in Colorado by January 13, 2009. Salary DOE. Please send cover letter, resume and references to: dm12judicialda@live.com or mail to David Mahonee, P.O. Box 321, Alamosa, CO 81101.
Must be received before 12/31/1008.
Start date 1/13/2009.
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Well howdy do Sirs! (I assume you are men, as women cannot practice law in this state, though I suppose you may be a secretary or some such person reading this in lieu of your definitely male superior...)

I am a well qualified man who, though I currently do not have a license to practice law in the state of Colorado and currently reside in Oregon, wishes to obtain a high-paying position inside your legal organization as Deputy District Attorney. I have only one pertinent question: Is it cool if I wear a tuxedo every day to work? It is the one caveat under which I have operated throughout my entire adult life. I refuse to dress in anything save a beautiful coal-colored tuxedo with a red bow-tie. There is, in fact, no finer garment on Earth.

I'll bet you're wondering how a man like myself will have obtained a law degree before the date mentioned in your Craigslist posting (did I read that correctly? Craigslist posting for Deputy District Attorney?). Again, gentlemen, I must refer you to my gallant tuxedo. Have you ever seen a man in a tuxedo fail? I don't believe you have. A man with an effete tuxedo flourish over his manly physique will invariably manage to complete whatever task has beset him and I am no different from this image of Brosnan-era-Bond perfection, except in that I am more like Remington-Steel-era-Brosnan-aged.

I hope you'll grant me the opportunity to display both my adequate legal mind and my wonderful series of coal-colored tuxedos with a red bow-tie.

Thank you,

Nate Balding