Thursday, November 6, 2008

Space Available for Hair Designer in Victorian House

New space available and for rent for hair designer/color specialist at Colour Theory in Happy Valley on 132nd and Sunnyside. The space available for you and your customers is on the main floor of a two story Victorian home. Please leave a message for Gina at 503-698-3091 or reply to this email.

Thank you.


Spooktacular autumn to you and your ghoul fiends!

I am a medium of ghastly style, a specialist in conjuring through one's hair the darkness that lies within them. I seek only to find the perfect haven of horror to practice my black crafts - a place where once murder was the midnight meal and the wanderings of spirits can be heard through the creaking floors and seen through the misty attic windows. I want to learn more about this home. Is it truly spooky enough to engender the secret knowledge of the Old Ones? Has there been any mystical activity recently? Are you in fact a gruesome succubus luring innocents into your domain in order to drain from them youth and beauty (That would truly be masterful irony!)?

A little about me: I LOVE Halloween so so so much and never want it to end. Vincent Price and Elvira are my soulless-mate heroes. I've been living inside the bell jar of dark eyeliner and even blacker thoughts since I was sixteen years old and have no plans to change. Having little else to do besides smoke pot and style my own hair in numerous ways, I've developed a grand but controversial ability to bring forth the lunatics living inside all people, using only their hair and the occasional applique of a whole lot of makeup and some face paint. I could do brisk business, but really seeing the good people of the world transformed into the grotesque monsters they really are is all the payment I need. (Kidding, of course. I charge. A lot.)

If you're house is the creepy mansion of an era long past, filled with the specters of unreality and the will-o-wisps of cruel intention, then I would be frighteningly glad to buy in.

Yours in Hell,

Nate 'The Black God' Balding

No comments: