Monday, April 26, 2010

Fitness/Nutrition Counselor

We are looking for a Fitness/Nutrition counselor for a weight loss clinic in the Cherry Creek area to work Tuesday 2PM-7PM and Thursday 2PM-7PM. This would be a great opportunity for a trainer trying to build their clientele. We can put you in front of 20+ potential clients a day. Your main responsibility is to give our clients sound fitness and nutrition advice in private 1 on 1 meetings that would last 10-15 minutes. Please email me back your resume or cover letter to brentmesser@yahoo.com or just reply to this post.

*****

Coolutations!

I'm a fitness specialist and nutritionist seeking employment in a satisfying locale where I can practice the methodology that I've developed over the last ten years: Cosmotic Vector Healing. What CVH provides is a complete fitness regimen and additional nutrition hints with a spiritual edge that I find lacking in similar programs. Over the years I have helped many people - men, women, adults and children - find the inner self that they needed to truly actuate and become the paradigms of humanity that they now are.

But before I get into those many successes (and believe me, I can name drop with the best of them!), let me tell you a little about myself and how my upbringing informs my techniques. I was born on a commune in Northern California called Lumenia where my parents and the parents of others farmed organic fruits and vegetables, practiced a form of Thai Chi known as Wong Bak-Thai and, most importantly, gave themselves to the orgy worship of the Moon Goddess for whom the commune was named. As young as four years old I was skilled in the art of economy of motion, following the movements of my elders and learning to open the pathways of my chakras. This led to my early development of higher brain functions, letting me begin reading well above my level, solving complex spatial problems and understanding of advanced mathematics. Well, advanced for a child. I'll be the first to tell you that when it comes to numbers, the only ones that matter are 9, 21 and 616, am I right? Ha!

I experienced my first Turning of the Moonbeam at thirteen years old - the traditional age to learn the ways of an Elder woman's cyclical soul cleansing - and boy, what a wonder that was! I needn't explain to you how important that moment is to a young man, but it truly leaves me with nothing but the fondest memories of my childhood, save those when I was but a youngling suckling at one of my Manymothers' feed knobs. This memory is an important part of my Cosmotic Vector Healing, which takes into account the fullness of a human's knowledge and utilizes a workout that allows one to enjoin with their deepest memories in order to bring about the Truth inside. In this I regard CVH without peer and I'm sure you will as well, once you've been gifted a free of charge initiation rite!

In my twenties I sought new spiritual avenues and eventually discovered the beauty of the Grand Enticement, which propelled me to attempt various courageous feats and attainments. I've climbed Kilimanjaro and Everest, biked the steep switchbacks from Mongolia into Nepal and India, swam alongside Orca's in the San Juan Islands, bare knuckle fought a black bear and saw the magnificence of our Sol from the astral plane. In Becoming I uncovered the secrets of the CVH method and, having honed it as a teacher/student in the Congolese jungles studying shamanic traditions, I decided that the time had come to share the gifts that the Cosmos had granted me. After all, that's the true path of any prophet, is it not? It is. I would know, being one of them.

I am also a licensed nutritionist, though even in this the CVH method intertwines and I find that there are special needs to be attended for followers of the Great Destiny. For instance, Pythagoras was right about beans: they are crops that sprout only inner strife and must be avoided at great cost, with the exception of Salorian Red Beans, found only in the Chilean mountains and harvested using miniature pigs known locally as puerco del fuego. A diet high in potassium and niacin is important to true communion. It also helps to consume many beets on the fourth of every month while meditating on the position of Mars in relation to Earth and Mercury.

Surely, the case has been made that I am overly qualified for the position you are offering, but if what you've read hasn't whet your appetite well enough, also know this: I'm a stone fox with a superfluous six pack. Trust me, you won't find yourself or others disappointed.

Coolutations part bye bye,

Nate Balding

1 comment:

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