Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Indoor Cycling Instructor

The Willamette Athletic Club is looking for certified, energetic cycling instructors to teach our Saturday morning spin and lift class. Please forward a cover letter and resume to Kristi at for consideration.


Yeah, I COULD teach your class, but the question is, can YOUR CLASS teach anything to ME?

I build fixies. That's right, I turn crappy ten speed bicycles into lean, mean car thwarting machines that only stop if you're cool enough to stop them. I also have a record collection. But why do these things matter to you? They should matter, because what they say about me is that I'm someone with the athletic skill to power through a hundred spinning classes but would prefer to just ride to Stumptown and back. But since I haven't had a job for three years (college - sucked) and my money's running out I guess I could deign to cycle for your gym. I'm really good at it (obvs!) and you'll be amazed by my indoor cycling ability. I can read Noam Chomsky and bike at the same time, so I can pretty easily turn your spin and lift class into a seminar on the politics of oppression while I turn your students into skinny white waifs.

Get back to me.

-Flash (that's not my birth name, but it's the name I've adopted, so use it fascist!)

PS: If your club has a lot of naked old men taking showers after work, I can't work there. I fucking hate old balls.

1 comment:

The Omega Man said...

Christ, everyone in San Francisco has fixed-gears, which is awesome because going down a steep hill with no brakes means many of them will die.